EXTERIOR --DAY/OR IS IT?>
A restless and malnourished WHITE HORSE stands in a seemingly endless field of lush GREEN GRASS framed by an ominous RED SKY.
A shirtless MIDDLE-AGED MAN bathed in red light approaches the horse, sweating profusely.
A whip in his hand unfurls.
The horse hoofs the ground nervously. No ropes or chains keep it from fleeing.
Its large BLACK EYES show dumb terror.
Whip clenched in his white knuckles, the mans hand raises and falls fast.
CUT TO- UNCOMFORTABLY WIDE SHOT ENCOMPASSING MAN, HORSE, FIELD, AND SKY
The man whips the horse repeatedly and for what seems like minutes, or perhaps hours. He shows no signs of fatigue whatsoever and bellows violent screams with each fall of the whip. The horse, still unchained, refuses to move from the spot, crying hopelessly and contorting it head in fits of unreal pain. The audience (you) at long last numbed to the brutality of the scene, but mesmerized perhaps out of shame or helplessness continues watching. At the exact moment the audiences (your's) attention changes from concern and indignation to resigned spectacle, the lash falls on the horse a final time, and the horse EXPLODES IN A FIREBALL that envelopes the audience's(your) field of view.
As the fire ball subsides, front and center stands a SINGLE PACK OF FILTERED CIGARETTES.
TITLE CARD: INTRODUCING MARLBORO "FIRE" ("FIRE" IS ANIMATED-ON AS IF IT WERE A FIRE BRAND)
TITLE CARD: THE FIRST AND ONLY CINNAMON FLAVORED CIGARETTE.
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING.
FADE TO BLACK.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
One day I was at work when the exterminator came by to spray for bugs. I was asking him some questions.. like what kind of bugs were in a library, how toxic the spray was, if he found his job satisfying... He humored me then went about his work. I realized that he was going to have to spray near my desk, so I tried to stand back a bit. He kept coming closer with the long spray stick and sprayed a line straight across my shoe. He looked up at me in acknowledgement and smiled. I looked down at my shoe, mouth agape. I looked back at him but he was back to spraying, as if nothing had happened.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Here’s a fun game, guys. Using an invisible pencil, draw a line to complete the idiom and reveal the universal truth it contains!
An Apple a Day Racism
A Penny Saved Is Going to Ask You for Money
Beggars Can’t Be Un-Baptized Babies
A Friend in Need Makes an Disappointing Snack
If at First You Don’t Succeed Are Delusional in Unison
The Road to Hell is Paved with But Not if Don't Have a Horse
Variety is the Spice of Try Taking a Nap
Those that Pray Together Business Savvy
You Can Lead a Horse to Water Is a Copper Colored Waste of Space
You liked that didn’t you? You feel good about yourself? You had fun?
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Lame-O! That’s not even a real game, you FOOL! Invisible pencils don’t exist! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. If you even tried to play it you are the most boring troll ever!
But on a more serious note.. the next time you think about sharing an idiom with a loved one, co-worker, or stranger, maybe try a soft pinch on the arm or a friendly butt pat instead. It sends the same message with equal effectiveness.